I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
