New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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