I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
