hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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