don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
