Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
