found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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