1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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