The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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