Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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