I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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