Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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