yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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