I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
