Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dignity is for republicans.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
