1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You work out of a Hotel?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
