Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
