My pussy is not your playground.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
