I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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