conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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