I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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