Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
