I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you didnt know i had herpes?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
