bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
