grandma shit on top of the toilet
That's when you crack a 10am beer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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