Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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