If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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