im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
