I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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