On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
