grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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