im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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