It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
