I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
