Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
