Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
