Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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