Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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