the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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