dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
