she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize