Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
