It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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