I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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