piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i believe in u and ur pee
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