I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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