Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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