New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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