when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
