the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
