Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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