i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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