"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
