My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
