she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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