whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
