the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
