My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
