Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
