There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i will never coherently bang her
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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