oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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