I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
