Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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