You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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