Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
