i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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