Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
