I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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