Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She bit a glass in half.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
