I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
