i think my tv is drunk
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
