she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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