3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize