i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
