She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
