He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
