Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
