Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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